Best Man Speech Advice

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I've got the pleasure of being best man for my good friend of 15+ years next month. I've been meaning to get around to begin writing it and have been watching YouTube how-to videos but getting a lot of conflicting advice. I always tend to begin any work I do with a template and flesh it out as I go but I'm struggling to land on a structure.

We're good mates from home who ended up going to the same university, did a bit of travelling together and fundamentally are both plonkers so have some good shared experiences and stories... of stupidty. We always joked how every time we experience something funny or ridiculous that it has to get a mention in the best man speech but this is a lot harder than I was anticipating.

I know the role of the best man speech is provide comic relief in a way that's appropriate and appealing to the whole room and not just a load of inside jokes which nobody else would get but I'm unsure how much to lean in to that.

If anyone has delivered a best man speech and has got any pro-tips please share

[bodacious benny]

Done it twice - last time I did an A-Z of the groom which went down quite well. Steer clear of the totally crude jokes, save those for the stag. They’re just mega awkward.

[FOGGONTHETYNE]

Unless you're used to speaking in front of a crowd of people i would just keep the speech nice and short, i've only been best man once in 1985 and my speech was no more than five minutes, just one or two jokes about your mate, i think i said something like "I could say Barry is the most loyal and generous friend i've ever had, but i've been brought up very religiously and i'm not telling lies for anybody!".....it did get a big laugh surprisingly, but end on a high, toast the bride and groom, thank everybody for coming, and siddown!!, (drink wine throughout the applause to hide your smugness).

[Colback's Orange Tufts]

As with all public speaking reading from a full script is stilted. Write it down. Practise. Then have a final version that is brief bullets
You look to see the next point.. Then look up and say it

I think saying why characterists X from the bride suits Y from the groom (and visa versa) works well.

Generally don't just talk about the groom but the bride too.

And brevity is your friend

[overseasTOON]

Done best man speech 3 times now and agree with a lot of the points raised here.

First point: very few will get an inside joke so see if you have correlation between instances and work on that. For example, my mate is s*** at directions which has actually gotten us into some really dodgy situations. It's nice to see that the bride wrote down the directions. And none of you have been arrested.

Bullet points: Practice does make perfect. Have numerous bullets for reference so you don't read verbatim from a script. This will allow you to read a room.

Now being able to read the room, you should be able to go risque or curtail some quips. You can have bullets for these to.

Funny: it's not a hatchet job. His new wife's family and relations are in that room too. Keep it funny, not insulting and perhaps his wife can give some pointers as to how risque you can go.

Had a few versions for a mates wedding in Singapore and didn't know culturally what boundaries may be so his wife gave some advice.

Yourself: Most people would rather be in the casket than giving a eulogy given the fear of public speaking.

Take your time. Breathe. You don't have to make eye contact so scan the room, eyes just around the foreheads. Naked except for socks etc.

If you need an extra breath or two between sentences then take them. Have water nearby for dry mouth.

The more relaxed you are, the more comfortable your delivery.

Also, raise the glass first to honour both families. Then apologise and tear him a new one.

[Don Sholeone]

Never had to do one, but listened to many, I guess only advise I could give is just don't stress it or over think it too much, I can't ever remember listening to a best man's speech and thinking that was s*** or that was awesome, on these occasions people don't tend to judge too much unless you cross the line, most want to hear stories and pleasantries and the odd joke or ribbing. End of the day you've been mates for so long and he's picked you as the best man, whatever stories or experiences you draw upon will be well received as those are the things that brought you guys this far.

[originallad]

Can't really add much to the above. Just make sure you don't overdo the pre drinks. I once heard a best man speech and the bloke was absolutely wankered and sniffed up. The whole speech was a rambling incoherent mess. But at least it was over quickly!

[bodacious benny]

The first time I did it I used a few props which were good as it takes the focus off you a bit. I made a survival kit for his new wife which had items that all had a story to go with them. Can't remember all of it, but just things like a packet of tissues (everyone's expecting a wanking story or something like that) but it's because he used to pick his nose and wipe it under the floor mat in his car. There was a compass as he has an appalling sense of direction so told a story about one of the numerous times he's got us totally lost (pre-dating google maps etc.), and 2-3 other things that escape me as the speech was in around 2007 or 2008.

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Thanks guys. Some great advice here. Think the formula is brevity, humour and keeping the bride involved.

I'd appreciate the board's opinion on this one...it's probably a "hell no" but here goes...

One of the things that's been a running joke in our friend group is his failed love adventures, which were often self-inflicted by his own admission, up until he met his wife-to-be.

He's the kind of guy who's always had to have a lady, but in being desperate to do so he often picked the wrong one or ended up trying to make things work despite ignoring all the red flags. Think holiday romances etc - he's had a girlfriend from South Africa, Manchester, and even Canada (who he ended up living with other there until they separated, he came back home and then ended up getting back with her for like 2 weeks before breaking up again).

Obviously etiquette indicate this is the last place to bring up his past like that, but actually think it would be remiss of me to not acknowledge this even in the most subtle ways as we'd both agree those experiences have helped to shape him and make him a better person - and ultimately led him to his future wife, who was clearly meant for.

As always any advice is appreciated!

[bodacious benny]

I don’t think that making general reference to past failed relationships is a massive no no, but I’d definitely just speak generally about it and how he ultimately found the right person, and not mention anyone specific from the past. Tho also depends on the personality of the bride…

[originallad]

You could use Tom's speech from Four Wedding's and a funeral...

When <insert grooms name> told me he was getting engaged to <insert bride's name>, I congratulated him because all his other girlfriends have been such complete dogs.

Although may I say how delighted we are to have many of them here this evening.